Years ago I was serving on a team where there was a consistent idea killer. Whenever anyone on the team presented an idea, regardless of the idea’s merit, this person would shoot it down. It was annoying, but was allowed to continue by leadership. Everyone talked about it outside of the meetings, no one respected the idea killer, and even the leader admitted it was a problem for the team, but he insisted he had counseled with this person privately, and it never seemed to improve.

It led me to the conclusion:

Sometimes as a leader you have to address the “elephant in the room”…in the room.

Everyone knows it’s there.

You can’t miss an elephant.

It keeps being repeated.

You’ve handled it individually.

Nothing has changed.

It may even be getting worse.

At some point, the leaders may have to address the elephant in the room.

You can’t ignore the elephant.

While everyone is in the room, address the elephant.

You may have to call out the person causing the disruption in the presence of everyone else in the room. It’s hard, uncomfortable, and you don’t want to do it often, but it may be necessary.

If you don’t:

• Everyone will assume poor performance is tolerated.
• The negative activity will be copied by others.
• Team dynamics will never be healthy.

Address the elephant!

Everyone already knows it’s there. You can’t hide the elephant.

Do I need to repeat that again?

It’s time. Do it now.

Have you ever served on a team where the elephant wasn’t addressed and it negatively impacted the team? 

Related posts:

1. Marriage Moment: Addressing Major Problems
2. Don’t Address the HOW until you Address the WHAT
3. Addressing the Celebration of Lent
4. Doodling Leadership Tip – Addressing the Real Problem

This is a guest post by Tyler Braun. Tyler is a 27-year-old INTJ living in Portland, Oregon with his wife Rose. He works full time as a worship leader, while also finding time to study at Multnomah Biblical Seminary in pursuit of a masters degree. Tyler’s first book releases in August of this year through Moody Publishers and is available for pre-order now. You can find Tyler on Twitter, Facebook, or his blog.

Here is the post:

The 5 Shadows of Leadership

Life is often the summation of darkness and light. One job of a leader is to bring more light into the world of those around them. This can obviously be done in a variety of ways, but it isn’t as easy as it sounds. Leaders must learn how to deal with their own internal shadows in order to bring light out of their own lives.

In his book, Let Your Life Speak, Parker Palmer evaluates 5 shadows (chapter 5 of the book) that must be explored in order for internal transformation to take place. In life and in leadership, the shadows can often overtake us to the point where we get lost in the darkness of our own lives and begin to reflect the darkness onto those around us. This is our opportunity to dive into the depths of our own inner lives in order for God to more greatly work in us, and in turn, those we have influence with.

Insecurity About Identity and Worth

Few things are more powerful than what gives us our identities. Our online persona, our pastoral influence behind the pulpit, the number of people who want to spend time with us—all this can slowly create an identity bound up with what we do, not who we are. Before we are leaders with a position and a title, we are first children of God. We are loved and valued as beings created by God. When this fact roots us, what happens at home, at work, at school—all of it is put in its rightful place in life.

Seeing Life as a Battleground

I’m an extremely competitive person. The games I play that have a clear winner and loser, I play to the death. Subsequently I can tend to view life and ministry similarly. What can often keep me motivated is a fear of losing. The problem with an internal belief of life as a battleground is that it builds walls between us the and the people we should be extending bridges to.

In leadership there are times when hard decisions need to be made and stark lines must be drawn in the sand, but often getting over our need to win will allow us to bring harmony to our relationships.

Functional Atheism

Craig Groeschel did a wonderful job of describing all the ways we believe in God but live as if He didn’t exist. Functional atheism within leadership is a deep-seated understanding that all of life is dependent on us and our abilities. We often convince ourselves that if things must happen, we will be the ones to do it. And the result of this mindset is burnout, depression, and poor relationships. Overcoming this shadow allows us to rely on others, which empowers them and liberates us from our own atheistic world.

Fear of Chaos

I know many leaders, including myself, who speak of messiness as a reality of the spiritual life, but operate in their leadership as if messy was the cardinal sin. The lesson often learned in exploring this shadow is that chaos is the beginning of creativity and, in turn, creation.

Palmer says that the “when a leader fears chaos so deeply as to try to eliminate it, the shadow of death will fall across everything that leader approaches.”

Denial of Death

We all know them: the pastors who won’t let a ministry die. More than likely we’ve each held onto our hopes for a failing ministry longer than we should have. Our intentions are correct, but by denying death we put unnecessary demands on others to continue breathing life for the sake of accommodating our own insecurity. Here’s the truth we often miss in covering up our insecurity: Death always creates conditions in which new life can be birthed.

In our heads we know death does not have the final victory, but in our hearts we remain concerned that death reflects poorly on our leadership. And this connects back to the beginning: Where is our identity and value found?

What shadows of leadership have you explored?

Related posts:

1. Developing Your Personal Leadership Style
2. Moving People
3. 7 Questions I Have About Leadership
4. 7 Examples of Shallow Leadership

I previously posted this story under another title, but since it’s been 4 years, I thought I was expand it and share again.

Recently I received some great life and leadership advice from my mom.

Please understand, my mom is retired from over 40 years of work in the business world, but she is usually not the first person I would think of for business advice. I mean, she is smart, no doubt about that, but she is my mom.

I would read Truett Cathy or Warren Buffett for business advice. I look to John Maxwell (and others) for leadership advice. I have a plethora of people I go to for life mentoring. I go to my mom when I cannot find my recipe for cornbread. (She makes some killer cornbread by the way.)

Before you write me…I know, my mom is a great place to get life advice. I’m trying to be funny and make a point. (I wish I didn’t have to give so many disclaimers )

Anyway, a friend is a salesperson for a manufacturing company. He has been concerned he might lose his job because his sales aren’t meeting expectations of management. My mom shared with me what she has been telling him. He claims that he could sell more product, if the production people could produce his orders faster. He says sales are not the problem, a lack of production is keeping the company from moving forward, and other orders seem to be produced before his orders, which is hindering his ability to meet his quota.

My mom told him he may need to leave his comfortable desk and chair, shut his laptop for a while, show an interest in the production people, and, if necessary, learn to help make the product. Her quote, “You need to make yourself indispensable to the company right now, because desperate times call for desperate measures.”

Make yourself indispensable.

You know, my mom is right. Too many times when our organization is suffering we cast blame rather than rally the team. We throw in the towel rather than work for a solution. We give up rather than create energy around us.

It is easier to quit sometimes than to weather through the rough periods, but the greatest and sweetest victories come to those who stick it out through the hard times and make it to the other side.

My mom was basically saying:

Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do so you can get done what has to be done.

I know…that’s deep right? And, I’m not as eloquent of speech as my mom. But it’s true. Sometimes it’s necessary to do the uncomfortable, the thing you don’t really want to do, maybe even the thing you don’t feel qualified to do…if you want to be successful. I frequently talk with people who are struggling in their personal life…either vocationally, in their relationships, or even physically. They want things to improve, but they aren’t willing to do the hard things to get them where they ultimately want to be.

Are you discovering tough times? Are you struggling to get where you want to be? Learn a lesson from my mom.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

What is some life advice you got from your mom?

Related posts:

1. Business Advice From Mom
2. 7 Pieces of Advice for Pastors
3. An Important Life and Leadership Principle
4. 7 Random Pieces of Advice for the Younger Leader

Do you ever have days when you just don’t want to get out of bed?

I’m not talking about the days you wake up and wish you could hit the snooze button a few more times. I’m not referring to days when you didn’t get enough sleep because you stayed up too late watching David Letterman. Those days are normal. For some they happen everyday.

I’m talking about the days when you don’t want to get out of bed, because you don’t think you can face the world outside the covers. I’m talking about days when it hurts to think about facing life.

Do you ever have days like that?

Perhaps you’re like me, and you’ve had seasons where facing the day seems unbearable. It can last a day, a week, or months at a time. I’ve spoken about this before, but I went through a mini-depression a few years ago. My boys were leaving home, my father and Cheryl’s father died, and the stress of ministry was greater than ever. Some days it was all I could do to put on my pastor smile and keep going.

At times, the stress of life can cause a person to wish they didn’t have to face another day. In a world of constant changes, uncertainty, fear, trials and steady burnout, keeping your chin up and continuing to smile can often be a challenge. Has that ever been your story?

I wish we were better as a church and a society of realizing those times are natural, allowing people to be honest about them, and helping people through them rather than looking down on them because of their inner struggles. Even godly, people of extreme faith have times when they fell all is hopeless. (Read about Elijah and Paul for a couple of good Biblical examples.)

What do you do on days like that?

After years of experience, both personal and walking with others, here are a few suggestions for those times:

Get up and do something – No, you may not feel like it, but doing nothing during times of depression, mild or otherwise, almost never solves the problem. You may not be able to do what you need to do, and you certainly may need rest, but continuing a vegetative state of existence is not the right answer. Discipline yourself to get out of bed, be around people, and stay active.

Do the best you know how today – You may not be at 100%. You may only be 20% today. Okay, perhaps you only have 1% to give today. That’s okay. Give that. Do the best you can do today and don’t feel guilty about not doing all you normally would do. My guess is there’s probably something you can still do that will bring value to the people around you…yet another reason to get out of bed.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help – This may mean professional help and don’t be ashamed of that. Most of us need professional counseling at some point in our life. But, also soak up energy from others for a season. It’s okay to need others. In fact, that’s one primary purpose of the body of Christ. We are to bear with one another during tougher times of life. Chances are you’ve been there for others when they needed help. Now let others be there for you. (Note: Relying on others should not be an excuse to ignore the other principles here. You still have personal responsibilities and ignoring them will not help you, but only enable you to continue in your current condition.)

Prepare and build – This is a time to practice healthy discipline, get consistent rest, exercise, eat healthfully, and prepare mentally and physically for a day when you feel better about your surroundings. Watch for the healing moments, the days when a smile comes easier and for the door of opportunities to open, which encourage you. Those are good days and you should be even more productive on those days. You’ll be able to celebrate your progress and, when repeated over time, it will help lift your spirits. God does heal when we submit our pain to Him. In these seasons, you’ll also learn to recognize the signs that a period like this is coming again. Store up that wisdom and experience to help others and yourself in other similar seasons of life.

Wait and listen – God will use these times of desperation to build you more into His heart and character. This should be a time of constant prayer, crying out to God for help. Many of the Psalms were written during times like this in the Psalmist’s life. Read a few of them. Don’t make drastic decisions during these days as you wait for God to speak clearly again.

Have you been there?

You may now want to read my post “God WILL Allow More Than You Can Bear“.

Have you ever wished you could stay in bed and not face another day? Are you there now?

What steps have you taken to heal from times like these? What or who helped you the most?

Share your story so it will help others.

Related posts:

1. This Too Shall Pass (The Best Is Yet To Come)
2. A Weather Reminder…About Life
3. 7 Actions While Waiting on God
4. The Command: Do Not Be Afraid

My mom is my hero.

She’s the most gracious, forgiving, patient person I know.

My mom raised 3 children mostly as a single mom. My dad finished life well, (I wrote about that HERE) before dying a couple years ago, but to fully understand my life, you would have to know that for much a my life, my dad was an absentee father. That put a huge burden on my mom. Some of you know the hardship of the single mom, and it’s one I never take lightly. My mom sometimes worked as many as three jobs, but honestly, I never remember her not being home.

She kept our house immaculate, she cooks better than anyone I know, she can sew, cross-stitch, and raise a garden. She is grounded in tradition, but she’s loving Facebook. My mom mothered the neighborhood and the people with whom she worked. She’s never met a stranger and she has no enemies. My mother is growing in her faith even in her 70′s. She loves God passionately and boldly and prayed my father and sister back to Jesus. (I’m fairly confident she’s praying for me too.)

My mom rocks!

My mom has taught me what unconditional love and support looks and feels like in a human sense. Regardless of what I’ve done or where I’ve gone in life, one person is always my biggest supporter.

Thanks mom! I love you! Happy Mother’s Day!

Words can never express…

Related posts:

1. Encouraging Mothers to Let Go of Sons
2. Happy Father’s Day Challenge: The Nurturing Dad
3. An Encouragement To Be A Dad (Happy Father’s Day!)
4. A Happy Birthday Tribute to my Wife

recycle |rēˈsīkəl|

verb [ with obj. ]

“convert waste into reusable material”

How does God go green?

God recycles.

I’m an example of that…how about you? 

Related posts:

1. Wasting Valuable Resources of Human Capital
2. Friday Discussion: Non-Negotiables in Parenting
3. Focus on the Family, John 3:16 Commercial
4. Don’t Kill Meetings

This is a guest post by Darrell Vesterfelt. Darrell is a the president of Prodigal Magazine and church planter in West Palm Beach, Florida who believes in the power of stories to change the world. His life’s passion is to help people to tell their story so they can see and understand the truth of God at work in their lives. You can follow him on twitter: @dvest

3 Principles of Starting New Things

I am a dreamer, through and through. Just ask my wife. She has heard me pitch about 100 new ideas to her in our first few months of our marriage. Some of those dreams have become a reality, but dozens of them haven’t.

That’s okay. Dreaming is what makes me suited as an entrepreneur and a church planter. It’s how I’m doing what God has called me to do with my life.

The thing I’m learning about dreaming is that dreaming, by itself, isn’t good enough. Starting something from nothing takes more than just a dream or a desire to make it happen. It takes a lot of time and sacrifice. Turning dreams into reality takes more time than I might want, sometimes. More sacrifice than is comfortable, but if none of my dreams ever turn into reality — then what was the point of dreaming in the first place?

Here are 3 principles I am learning as I am in a season of starting new things.

You have to do whatever it takes.

Not every dream is worth pursuing. I have lots of dreams in a day and I don’t run with all of them. I couldn’t. If I did, I wouldn’t be successful with any of them. If I want to be successful at all I have to pick a dream, and invest in it.

This selection process is important for me because it forces me to commit. When you’re forced to choose only one dream, you’re more likely to make the sacrifices needed to make that dream a reality. You are — all in. The dream that you choose is worth any and every sacrifice that you will have to make.

If your dream is going to become a reality, it is going to take every single resource you have, and then some. It will take all of your time, money, and energy. It might mean that you have to work two full-time jobs for awhile, or that you have to get creative about raising capitol. But get ready. If you want to start something new you’re going to have to do what it takes. And it takes a lot.

Don’t despise small beginnings.

If you’re anything like me, you don’t like small beginnings. Actually, you don’t like small anything. The bigger the better. As an entrepreneur (or church planter) it’s easy to get discouraged. But one of the things I’m learning is not to despise small beginnings.

It’s important to build a strong foundation now, while your dream is small, so that your business or organization can operate with integrity later, as it grows. Good things take time to build. Don’t despise the beginning.

Think of it like a building. If the structure is not sturdy when it’s small, it isn’t going to be sturdy when it’s big. In fact, if you build on a shaky foundation, your building will never survive. What you really need, in the beginning, is a strong foundation, good walls. A sturdy frame. Those things come from integrity and hard-work and patience.

Building a team of people around me isn’t just important, it’s vital.

As much as I’d like to think that I can do everything on my own, I can’t. In fact, if I try, I will for sure fail. I need people who can support me and encourage me when things get difficult. People who know me well enough that, when things get tough, or when my insecurity gets in the way, they can point me back toward reality, toward Truth.

I also need people who are good at things I’m not. I need people who are different than me, who have different skills and strengths to bring to the table. I am only part of the picture, and if I try to “chase my dream” alone it is only possible to accomplish part of the objective. I need people.

Just having people around me isn’t good enough, though. They have to be the right kind of people. If I try to fit the wrong person into the wrong role, I’m not doing anyone any favors. I’m actually denying and ignoring the truth of who God called that person to be, and using them for my own selfish ambition. That will only lead to resentment and frustration.

It won’t ever accomplish my objective.

One of the most important things I can do as I start something new is notice people for the unique set of skills and strengths they bring to my team, to celebrate those strengths, and to equip them to do what God has made them to do. That’s what it looks like to really love people; and loving people should always be my primary objective.

In the same way, I don’t allow just anyone to speak into my life and hold me accountable. Everyone has an opinion about everything and if I bent to what every person in the world thought was “right” for me I wouldn’t ever accomplish anything. There are only a few people who have the right to call me out when they think I’m wrong; and ultimately I answer to the Lord, not to them.

I go where He calls me, not where they do.

What principles have you learned about starting new things?

Related posts:

1. Life Cycles of an Organization: Starting, Maintaining, Finishing
2. Advice To Those Starting a Ministry Career
3. 5 Principles I Learned From Disappointment
4. 10 Life Principles I Have Learned From Experience

I am frequently confused for an extrovert. On Sundays and other important days of ministry I can perform as an extrovert. I assure you, it’s not the real me!

I’m an introvert. I’ve written extensively about it here. You might read:

True Confession: Life as an Introvert

Don’t Quit the Ministry Because You’re an Introvert

7 Ways Extroverts Can Help Introverts

7 Pitfalls of Being an Introverted Pastor

7 Ways I Work with Introversion to Protect My Ministry

It’s not that I’m fake in those incidents. I love people. I love connecting. I genuinely want to engage with others. It simply doesn’t come natural to me.

As a result of my ability to appear extroverted, a question I receive frequently is: How do you do it? How do I appear so extroverted when I am so introverted? (I almost max out that preference on the Myers Briggs.) How do I perform on Sundays…and other days of the week?

Recently I went through a week of interviews for my new ministry assignment. I was expected to meet and engage at several affairs each day. I was exhausted, but I kept going. I’ve never been so extroverted for a week. How did I do that?

Here are 5 ways I break away from my introversion to perform as an extrovert:

Prepare mentally – I have to prep myself before Sunday, for example, that I have a job to do, people are expecting me to engage with them, that it’s not going to be easy, but that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. It’s a mental exercise before any event where I need to be outgoing.

Act purposeful – I remind myself that there is a reason to be extroverted in some occasions. Often people are waiting on me to engage them. To be a Kingdom builder, I have to converse with others; even when it’s uncomfortable. The reason I am willing to act outside my comfort zone is that I love people more than I love my individual preference or comfort. I have to be purposeful.

Discipline myself – At some point, I just do it. I simply have to make myself do what I may not want to do. Work the room. Make the initial approach for a new relationship. Talk! Engage! Connect! Do it!

Practice – It gets easier with time. It really does.

Reward myself – After an extremely extroverted occasion…I crash heartily. Sunday afternoon naps are the deepest sleeping I ever have. Plus, my family understands if I’m quieter than normal at Sunday lunch.

Okay, introverts, your turn. How do you breakout of your introversion when you need to do so?

Related posts:

1. 7 Ways I Work with Introversion to Protect My Ministry
2. 7 Ways Extroverts Can Help Introverts
3. Are You an Extroverted or Introverted Listener?
4. 7 Ways Fraternity Life Shaped Me For Ministry (Guest Post)

I originally wrote this post for Catalyst Leader.

Humility is a desired, but often neglected characteristic of good, servant leadership. The more we promote ourselves online, the more I’m afraid humility is being forgotten. As one who has an online presence, I consistently sense God reminding me that I’ve been on the bottom and I can return there.

Pride is a struggle for many leaders (author included), but we must strive to bring humility to our leadership roles.

Here are 10 attributes of a humble leader:

Dangerous Trust – Humility always demands a certain level of trust. A humble leader is willing to take a risk on others, trusting them with the sacredness of the vision, even at the chance they may be disappointed with the outcome.

Sincere Investment – Humble leaders know the vision is bigger and will last longer than they will, so they willingly invest in others, raising up and maturing new leaders.

Gentle, but Strong – One can’t be a leader and be weak. Every position of leadership will provide a challenge to the leader, but humble leaders have learned the balance between being gentle and remaining strong. (Think Jesus!)

Readily Admits Mistakes – Everyone makes mistakes. In fact, we often learn more through failure than through success. The humble leader is quick to admit when he or she has done wrong and deals with the fault-out without casting blame or making excuses.

Forgives easily – Leadership is filled with disappointment; often at the expense of other’s mistakes. A humble leader forgives easily, remembering how many times he or she has been forgiven.

Quickly diverts attention – We all like to be recognized for accomplishments, but a humble leader is quick to divert attention to others, sharing the limelight for successes with those, who many times, may have even had more to do with the success than the leader did. They celebrate the success of others louder than personal success

Remains thankful – A humble leader is appreciative of the input of others into his or her leadership. So much so, that a humble leader naturally praises the actions of others far more than the time spent patting themselves on the back for personal accomplishments. Humble leaders recognize that all good gifts come from above.

Recognizes Limitations – No one can do everything. A humble has the ability to say, “I can’t do that or I’m not the one who should”.

Shares authority – Humble leaders don’t take all the key assignments for themselves, but gives out prime responsibility and authority to people he or she is leading.

Invites feedback – A humble leader wants to learn from his or her mistakes and wants to continually see improvement. Humble leaders initiate other’s suggestions and feedback, not waiting until complaints come, but personally asking for the input.

Humility is not putting yourself down as a leader. It’s ultimately recognizing who you are in view of Christ and others. The danger in not being a humble leader or considering ourselves better than others, is that one day we may be “humbled”. Many of us learn humility the hard way.

What would you add to my list?

Related posts:

1. When Humble Does Forgiveness
2. 7 Attributes of a Wise Leader
3. 7 Attributes of a Maturing Leader
4. 7 Qualities of a Followable Leader

One verse I’ve learned by experience:

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18

Are you waiting for God to answer? Don’t be surprised if He makes you wait. He’s not being silent without reason. He’s not withholding an answer without purpose. God is working His plan. He’s never late and never early.

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Are you currently waiting for God to move? Can I (and my readers) pray with you in that situation?

Related posts:

1. Are you waiting for God?
2. The Command: Do Not Be Afraid
3. 7 Ways to Make Your Prayers More Effective
4. God Helps Those Who Cannot Help Themselves!