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5 Words That Can Shape Your Parenting

23 May 2013 | By Ron Edmondson in Children, Family, Parenting | Comments Off

family lifestyle portrait

I learned much of what I know about parenting after I was a parent. Thankfully, my two boys are model young people. I would say I have two of the greatest young men as sons that any parent has ever seen. (Biased…aren’t I?) But, seriously, we have seen good fruit from our labor as parents. I believe that is in part because we followed certain principles. Again, we learned as we went and it was purely the grace of God, but we were intentional.

These principles can greatly increase your success as a parent, in my opinion. This comes not only from my personal experience, but also my training as a counselor, and my observation and counseling with hundreds of parents through the years of ministry. Keep in mind that principles are not promises or guarantees, but I believe you have a better chance of success if you follow good principles than if you do not.

Here are 5 words that can shape your parenting:

Plan – Most of us have a plan for other areas of our life, but not for our family. Plan a strategy for raising children the way you want them to go. We had a personal parenting plan. You can read it HERE. We reevaluated every year and made individual plans for each child based on their needs at the time. Do you have a plan?

Protect – It is critically important to protect your relationship with the child so that you can maintain influence over them for the rest of their life. This is not accomplished by giving them what they want, but by gentling balancing discipline with love. Are you willing, for example, to say no, or to make them wait for something, even when it is uncomfortable and unpopular with your children (and their friends)? Do you work to build their trust in you as much as their obedience to you?

Control – This one gets me in trouble with some parents, but that is when they don’t always understand the magnitude of their parenting role at an early age. There is a time to gain control over a child’s actions. It’s when they are very young. When they are learning all the basic things of life we take for granted. I encourage independent personalities, but you don’t have to let them throw a temper tantrum, for example. When is that an acceptable response as an adult? And, you can make a four year old attend Sunday school even when the would rather not…for another example. Are there times you don’t want to go to work? What do you do in those times? There should be an element of control for a child not old enough to choose wisely and then a gradual release of authority is given to them as they get older. Too many parents allow too much freedom early and then try to get control back when the child tries to be an independent teenager. It should be the opposite. You are training a child in the way he should go. Take advantage of the years where they desperately need and will comply with your wisdom.

Invest – Children require an intentional investment of time and energy over time. Having children who grow up well does not usually just happen, but it is as a result of the right investment of parenting. We have children for such a short window of opportunity. We can’t waste that time with opportunities that only produce temporary rewards or pleasures. Which has more importance…your work, your hobby…or your children? Do your actions portray your answer?

Model – You cannot expect children to learn principles you are not willing to model for them. Children should not be held to higher standards than you hold yourself. Are you living a life they can follow and turn out the way you would want them to be?

Are there any words you would add?

The post 5 Words That Can Shape Your Parenting appeared first on Ron Edmondson.

7 Ways to Respond on Sunday after a Disaster is in the News

22 May 2013 | By Ron Edmondson in Christians, Church, Ministry | Comments Off

Emergency checklist

This was a week (again) where the news was dominated by a natural disaster. Knowing that this blog is read by many pastors and church leaders, I felt led to address the issue many of them (us) will be considering…or at least should be.

How to respond the Sunday after a disaster in the news:

This is often a delicate issue. Unless your church is super large, and probably even then, you won’t be able to respond to every disaster with money and people. Obviously there are disasters every week. Some get more national attention than others. How do you know what to address on Sunday? How do you respond as a church?

Here are some thoughts to consider:

Determine impact on the church – Consider how much this particular disaster is on the minds of the people you pastor and how long it will take to recover from this disaster. That’s not always the same. The tornadoes in Oklahoma have dominated the news. People are saying things like, “Worst I’ve ever seen.” Obviously this one has major impact on people and will be difficult to ignore.

Acknowledge the obvious – After you have discerned the magnitude of the disaster, decide what response you will make. As for this week, considering the Oklahoma tornadoes, it will be difficult not to mention it in a service. It’s on people’s minds. People almost expect you to say or do something. Again, this is not true of every disaster, but when it impacts as many people as this one does, and when the destruction is as devastating, it merits mentioning. We placed something on our website and Facebook almost immediately directing people where they can help. These are times when the church has a specific expectation and calling to respond. Sometimes it will be obvious you need to respond. At other times, follow your heart for people, but if you need confirmation or the discernment of other people, bring a small group together to help you decide if and how to respond.

Lead people to pray – The best thing we can ever do in a disaster…really anytime…is to appeal to the One who holds the answers to the struggles of life. We need to pray. We demonstrate something to people when they see and hear us pray for a situation in the news. They realize the importance of prayer. They are reminded of God’s sovereignty. When the corporate body prays together over something we’ve been thinking about all week we are able to share the burden we’ve been carrying individually. That’s being the Body.

Allow a chance to respond – Again, depending on the magnitude of the disaster, and the way it impacts the particular church where you serve, it might be necessary for you to do more than pray. Depending on the size of your church you may be able to send people (at the appropriate time), but you can always give people an opportunity to give and serve through other organizations. Many churches assume they have to coordinate their own efforts. I choose to rely on reputable groups already on the ground of the disaster with whom we can partner. It eliminates many of the administrative hurdles that get in the way of providing real help.

Preach what God has laid on your heart – I know some who alter their message after a national disaster. When a tornado hit our community, that obviously altered my Sunday message. I knew I needed to address people’s fear and provide hope. I don’t feel I need to respond that every time a disaster happens. If God has already directed my message before the disaster, I know He is sovereign enough to know the timing of the word He placed in my heart and the disaster. I usually preach the message I feel He has already been leading me to deliver. We have to help people move forward after a disaster. While we don’t ignore the pain, we can help them process the fact that there is still much life to be lived.

Have systems in place – This will happen after the Sunday, but if you don’t have them already, use times following a disaster to reevaluate your systems of response you have. If they need improving, use this as an opportunity to do so. Connect with some agencies you can partner with in future disasters. Organize teams to coordinate future efforts. Set written procedures in place that outline how and when you will respond in the future. I have even used a “decision grid” for times like these, which helps us ask questions to determine the best decision to make at the time. It is harder to think rationally when emotions are high after something is in the news all week. Most likely your response will be slightly different every disaster, but it will help make better decisions to have systems already organized.

Keep preaching hope in Jesus – Disasters aren’t going away in this world. If anything, they seem to happen more frequently. I’m not making a prophetic statement (I’m not smart enough for that), but I wouldn’t be surprised if things get worse before they get better. And, one day they will get better. Much better. Until then, we have hope in the One who is hope. Keep reminding people of that truth. We aren’t promised a trouble free world…actually opposite. We are promised we can have faith through any storm, that God is still in control.

Please understand this is an opinion post. In fact, I hope you realize this is an opinion blog. Consider the source. Be intentional. Think through your response. Shepherd the people God has entrusted to your ministry.

I realize there are many seasoned pastors who read this blog. Let us learn from you.

How do you respond following a disaster in the news?

The post 7 Ways to Respond on Sunday after a Disaster is in the News appeared first on Ron Edmondson.

How to Follow My Blog After Google Reader

21 May 2013 | By Ron Edmondson in Culture, Encouragement, Leadership | Comments Off

If you haven’t heard, Google Reader is going away. Quickly. It was announced a couple months ago, but it ends July 1, 2013. I was bummed, because I use Google Reader to follow most of the blogs I follow.

Many people follow this blog through Google Reader.

What to do?

Well, short answer…it’s easy. Case solved.

Sign up to have this blog emailed. Do that at the top right of my home page HERE. Just enter your email address and follow the instructions.

Sign up for Feedly. Do that HERE.

Feedly is a quick, couple minute transfer of your Google Reader blogs to follow them on Feedly. And, it’s free. I actually enjoy the layout better than I did Google Reader. My friend Michael Hyatt, whom you can trust much more than me on things like this, shares 7 reasons he’s using Feedly to replace Google Reader HERE.

Don’t miss the content you’ve relied upon. Act today.

The post How to Follow My Blog After Google Reader appeared first on Ron Edmondson.

How to Pray for and Respond to Oklahoma

21 May 2013 | By Ron Edmondson in Ministry, Prayer | Comments Off

disaster_theater

(I borrowed this picture from the Salvation Army website. Since I mentioned them below I hope they won’t mind.)

Yet another tragedy.

There are no words to describe the scenes we are seeing from the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. No words.

So don’t say anything. Just pray.

Please, don’t try to provide answers when people ask why. Don’t pretend you know why. Don’t find some “righteous” sounding reason for the devastation. It’s not helpful.

So don’t say anything. Just pray.

Years ago, when I served as vice mayor of my community, we were hit with a devastating tornado that destroyed much of our downtown. I learned that what we needed most was prayer and resources.

How do you pray?

Pray for emergency workers and relief efforts.
Pray for survivors as they recover.
Pray for those without homes.
Pray for those who have lost loved ones.
Pray for community, state and national leaders who will need to respond.
Pray for donations and resources needed to survive and eventually rebuild.
Pray for the vision that will develop as a result of this tragedy.
Pray for the children who will be afraid at school every time it storms for a while.
Pray for opportunities to share hope with people, in the midst of tragedy.
Pray for the churches and pastors in the areas impacted who will be called upon for hope and help.
Pray for a spirit of cooperation among people who have lost so much.

How do you respond?

Unless you are trained in disaster relief, there’s probably no reason to go now. You won’t be much help. Stay tuned for the calls for help when they come…and there will be many in the days, weeks and months to come. Today you can give. Money. That’s what they need.

Here are a few places you can give now:

Red Cross

Southern Baptist Disaster Relief

Salvation Army

Those are usually three of the largest groups who offer support in disasters. There are obviously many others, but make sure you are giving to a reputable group.

Some friends in ministry I trust greatly have started a relief fund for Oklahoma. They are doing it in an easy to track way. Check it out HERE.

Pray and give. It’s the best way to respond to a natural disaster.

The post How to Pray for and Respond to Oklahoma appeared first on Ron Edmondson.

Mark Lowery: Recovering Fundamentalist

21 May 2013 | By Ron Edmondson in Christians, Funny | Comments Off

A friend shared this with me on Facebook. Priceless. Laugh…and be convicted if needed.

The post Mark Lowery: Recovering Fundamentalist appeared first on Ron Edmondson.

Make Sure Your Marketing Matches Your Market

20 May 2013 | By Ron Edmondson in Church, Culture, Leadership, Ministry | Comments Off

image

A friend and I went to a Reds game recently. It was a cold night for baseball. It had been raining for several days and thankfully stopped in time for the game. But, it made for a very chilly night.

It didn’t stop the stadium vendors from doing their job though. The only problem…I’m not sure their marketing matched their market.

Especially one guy.

It was almost funny. It was obvious he had a routine. A common cheer. A pitch.

“Ice cold beer….BRRRR….Ice cold beer….BRRRR…”.

It was his trademark. He would shake his head everytime he said “BRRR“…

He was good at it too. Convicting. He had the routine well rehearsed.

I got colder listening to him. Every time he did his cheer, I pulled my jacket a little tighter around my neck. I’m getting colder now, just thinking about his performance.

Now, here’s the problem. I wasn’t in the beer market anyway, but his marketing approach probably wouldn’t have motivated me if I was. I didn’t need anything to make me colder than I already was that night. I needed something to make me warmer. If it had been 90 humid degrees in the shade, he would have had a winning approach with beer drinkers. This would have been your best salesperson of the night.

But, as it appeared, he wasn’t selling much that night. Almost nothing. He even seemed discouraged. (Although now I may be reading into this because it fits the illustration.) Either way…sales were certainly down.

I wondered if it were more than the weather…if in fact part of the reason was his cheer.

Anything “BRRR…ice cold…” doesn’t grab my attention as much when I’m already cold.

I don’t know what the warm beer cheer is, but that would almost seem to have been a better one this night. :) Maybe even a cheer for hot chocolate.

It reminded me though of how we “market” sometimes…even in the church.

Sometimes our marketing doesn’t match our market

Okay, I’ll get pushback that the church shouldn’t market. (I love hearing from those guys.) Call it what you want, but we have a message we are trying to tell. We hopefully think about how we tell it. If you don’t then you can ignore this post and I will catch you next time. Marketing is the process of packaging a story in a way that others become interested in it. I think we attempt that every week.

Jesus seemed to share His message in a way the audience He was speaking to could more easily understand. That’s why He used parables. It seems to be why He used a lot of farming illustrations. (They were plentiful in His audience.)

I wonder if we, as a church, need to get better at telling our story…marketing our message.

So, with that in mind, here’s my advice:

Make sure your marketing matches your market.

Make sure your story-telling matches your audience.

To do that, ask yourself:

Who are the people you are trying to reach?

Who are the people with whom you want to share your message?

Who are the people needing to know what you know?

Who are the people needing to believe what you believe?

What do they think like? What are they interested in? What motivates them? What inspires them?

What do they need most? What are their greatest fears? With what do they struggle most?

How can you tell the story in a way that they hear and are motivated to respond?

Again…

Does your “marketing” match your market?

The post Make Sure Your Marketing Matches Your Market appeared first on Ron Edmondson.

5 Principles of Making Disciples and Enabling Spiritual Growth

19 May 2013 | By Ron Edmondson in Christians, Church, Ministry | Comments Off

growing team

Spiritual growth of believers should be the goal of any church. We are to reach unbelievers and introduce them to Christ, but the end goal according to the command of Jesus is making disciples. It would even make sense then, that as much as we count the offering or attendance on Sundays, if we want to know we are being successful as a church, we have to somehow “count” our success at making disciples.

Yet spiritual growth is a difficult subject and can be hard to measure, because a church can offer the same ministries and attention to the same group of people and get extremely different results.

Right now there are people in my church at 3 stages of spiritual growth:

  • Those that need to mature and are not maturing.
  • Those that need to mature and have stalled.
  • Those that need to mature and are maturing.

I suggest the same is true of your church. We rejoice in the last one. We all need to mature. We love when it happens. If we are not careful, however, we can allow the first two groups of people to discourage us and make us believe we are not doing what God has called us to do as a church.

How can we know we are growing people spiritually?

I don’t know that we can ever know as clearly numerically as we do with attendance or contributions. But, I think there are principles that can help us know we are on the right track to building disciples, for each of the three groups mentioned above. These principles, when understood, can bring a sense of clarity as to whether we are truly realizing the mission of the church.

Here are 5 principles to understanding the process of spiritual growth.

Growth is possible. Every believer has an opportunity and potential to experience spiritual growth. God wants to mature all believers. No one is left out of that plan. If someone is not growing spiritually, there is a reason. Either they haven’t been discipled or they haven’t responded to the opportunities they’ve been given to grow, but opportunity exists for all believers.

People are responsible for their spiritual growth. I am responsible to lead a church that shepherds them, encourages them, instructs and teaches them, but ultimately the believer holds the responsibility of their own growth. That’s a freeing principle, because it keeps me responsible for what I can do, but releases me of the burden of what I can’t do. I can create environments that help people grow, but I can’t make them grow.

Growth occurs best in community. The best spiritual growth in my life and in the life of others I have observed occurs when people are in committed, healthy and intentional relationships with other believers wanting to mature. Iron does sharpen iron. Disciples make disciples. It was the method Jesus used to create disciples. He spent time with His disciples. (At the same time, I have been in groups where some are growing and some are not, but that goes back to principle number two. Remember Judas?) As much as I can, I need to help people who want to grow spiritually spend time with others who want to grow and are growing spiritually. I can then give them tools to use where there time together is suitable for discipleship.

Developing a person’s desire for spiritual growth is key. When a person gets excited about his or her personal walk with Christ, they will want to get to know Christ better. The more they know Christ the more they will want to be like Him. The more people want to be like Christ the more likely they will be to assume ownership of their spiritual growth. So motivating people for the desire to grow becomes a key element in discipleship. This may be done by sharing stories of others who have grown, helping people understand their potential, or continually casting the vision for spiritual growth and maturity, but creating a desire to grow becomes a key goal in disciple-making.

The goal of the teacher/leader of spiritual growth should be to enable people to achieve spiritual growth. Knowing that people are responsible for their growth, and that I can only create environments where that can best happen, helps shape where I spend my efforts in discipleship. Our goal as spiritual leaders should be to introduce people to Christ and God’s Spirit, teach them the truths of faith, and then release them to serve, mature and grow in their spiritual life.

Please understand this is not a formula and principles are not foolproof. I believe, however, that understanding these principles can help us see the process of discipleship as something doable, even “measurable”, if we continually strive to create environments conducive for spiritual growth to occur.

Any thoughts?

The post 5 Principles of Making Disciples and Enabling Spiritual Growth appeared first on Ron Edmondson.

Do All Dogs Go To Heaven?

18 May 2013 | By Ron Edmondson in Encouragement, God, Jesus | Comments Off

Naje.couch

Do all dogs go to Heaven?

It took me a while to write this post. We lost our sweet NaJe…our Yorkie…our overweight, 12 and a half year Yorkie…last summer. She was doing great, although she had slowed somewhat in the later years. We had just moved to our new city, and she loved it for the walking. One morning I was at work and Cheryl went to lunch. When Cheryl came home NaJe was not the same. She became paralyzed immediately…within the hour Cheryl was gone to lunch. We took her to the veterinarian as soon as we could. The Vet said it was a brain tumor. There was nothing we could do for her. It was one of the hardest decisions we’ve ever made and being with her at the end one of the hardest things I’ve personally ever done.

I know…it’s a dog, right? But she was our dog. She was part of the family. She was named for our two boys…Na…Nathaniel…Je…Jeremy. (Jeremy is the oldest, but NaJe sounded better to us than JeNa.)

So the question…

Do all dogs go to Heaven?

Believe it or not, I get asked that question. Very seriously. And, I understand.

Unfortunately, the answer is one that I can’t solve that for you. Not definitively.

I wish I could, but I am a Bible teacher. I read and believe the Bible as truth. I can’t make it fit my needs or desires. I have to take it for what it says. I can’t add to or take away from it. I know mankind is His highest creation. The Bible makes clear provision for mankind and Heaven. (If you confess with your mouth and believe in your hear that God raised Jesus from the dead you shall be saved.)

The problem is, I can’t definitively assure myself of any eternity for my dog or any dog. Or cat. Or hamster. Although I would think my dog would likely to get in if any animal did :) .

I know this though. My viewpoint has changed in light of NaJe. I now recognize I can’t say dogs “don’t” go to Heaven. Can you?

All creation waits. “All creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.” The Bible says that. Revelation also says “every creature” pays reverence to the glory of God. Every creature. But, is that creatures created now or then. I can’t say. Will there be dogs in Heaven. I don’t know? For sure.

But, I do know NaJe was God’s creation. She did exactly what she was created to do while she was alive on earth. Everything. She loved. She loved greatly. She loved passionately. She was a most loyal man’s best friend. I can’t imagine God wasn’t pleased with the example of unconditional love NaJe proved to be.

If any dogs went to Heaven…NaJe would be one. Probably you feel that way about yours too.

And, though I can’t solve the question for you, not definitively, I can’t imagine a perfect place without a dog like NaJe. But, then no eye has seen or imagined what God has created for us. Heaven will be perfect. I’m not sure I have really ever seen perfect as God intended perfect to be. Some day I will.

I also know this, as much as I entertain this question, I’m most concerned about your eternity. I am confident God will take care of His creation, but He’s given you and me the option to choose to be obedient or to rebel. Will you be in Heaven? Have you surrendered your life to Christ’s life? Do you believe that Jesus died on a cross, rose from the grave, and that by your faith in Him you shall be saved?

What do you think? Do all dogs go to Heaven?

(Opinions are welcome…I honestly don’t believe we know definitively, but please don’t write me your “theological” understanding based on what you “think”.).

The post Do All Dogs Go To Heaven? appeared first on Ron Edmondson.

How to Get Your Wife more Interested in Sex

17 May 2013 | By Ron Edmondson in Family, Marriage | Comments Off

happy couple 2

This is a guest post by my friend Jennifer Degler. Jennifer attends the church I pastor and was actually on the search team that brought me to the church. She is a Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, life coach, and co-author of No More Christian Nice Girl: When Just Being Nice—Instead of Good—Hurts You, Your Family, and Your Friends. A frequent speaker at women’s events and marriage retreats, she also maintains a counseling practice in central Kentucky. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors and the founder of CWIVES, a ministry devoted to helping Christian wives enhance their sexual relationship (cwives.com ). Jennifer and her husband, Jeff, have been married for 25 years and have two children. Visit her Web site at JenniferDegler.com

I asked Jennifer to post on this issue, because I know it is something every marriage deals with, including the majority of readers of my blog…pastors. Though the issue may be more personal than normal posts, I believe Jennifer, as a professional, a strong believer, and a woman, can address this issue much better than I can, and I believe it’s an issue that can help many marriages if they work through it. I also know I’ll be criticized for posting this. (I know the pastors and other Christians who pretend this is not a real issue, even though they know it is.) But, let me say this to the most “spiritual” among us…if this issue is affecting a marriage, it becomes a very spiritual issue, because it will impact the commands on marriage…the two becoming one flesh…and yes…in a spiritual sense. In Jennifer’s marriage counseling (and mine), you can’t address most marriages in trouble and not see this issue presented. And, I wish I didn’t have to give these type disclaimers…but I do. (If you get a chance, as a supplement to this post, read 1 Corinthians 7:1-16.)

Here’s…

“How to get your wife more interested in sex”:

I’m often asked by husbands, “How can I get my wife more interested in sex?” Sexual desire is complicated, but you can help your wife want sex more if you deliberately cherish her heart by practicing the 5 P’s.

Pursue your wife. You were “a man with a plan” when you were courting her. Don’t stop pursuing her just because you caught her. Wives want to be wooed. Ask her which she prefers: cards, phone calls, texts, emails, dates you plan, gifts or flowers for no reason, surprise visits, lunches, conversation you initiate, etc. The more you woo, the more she will want you.

Protect your wife. Protect her safety, her reputation, her energy. You are protecting your wife when you take care of potential trouble areas women sometimes overlook, such as an odd car engine noise. Most husbands would gladly take a bullet for their wife, but do you protect her reputation? Do you speak well of her, both in her presence and when she’s not around? If family members speak rudely to her, you are protecting your wife by respectfully requesting they speak kindly to and about her. The number one sexual difficulty wives report is lacking energy for sex, so when you load the dishwasher and put the kids to bed, you are protecting a scarce resource: her energy. The more you protect her, the more she will appreciate and desire you.

Provide for your wife, beyond financially. Women are nurturers who constantly think of others’ needs and how to stretch themselves to meet those needs. It’s exhausting. When you are mindful of what your wife needs and then provide it, well, this feels amazing. Husbands, look at your wife: What does she need in this moment that you could provide? A break, a chair, a cup of tea? My husband brings blankets, water bottles, and snacks to our son’s games. I am the most provided-for-wife at every game…and I bet he is the most rewarded husband afterwards.

Profess she is your wife, proudly, publicly. When men are proud of something, they show it off. How do you introduce your wife to your friends? “The old ball and chain?” “My old lady?” “The Boss?” You are painting a verbal picture of how you see your wife. Is it flattering or denigrating? A husband who proudly tells the world, “This is my wonderful, beautiful wife!” helps his wife feel better about herself which translates into a more sexually confident wife.

Pray for and with your wife. Christian wives are turned on by a praying husband. It’s true. Forget those new silk boxers, just hold her hands and pray with her. She will see you recognize and care about her needs. When you pray for her, you are hitting on all 5 P’s. My husband left this message on my voice mail, “Honey, I didn’t get to pray for you before you flew to your speaking engagement. Let me pray for you now.” And he proceeded to pray for me, and as I listened to his message, my only thought was, “He is the sweetest man. I can’t wait to get home and rip off his clothes.” Prayer = the ultimate aphrodisiac.

(I borrowed 3 of these P’s from Steve Harvey).

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5 Steps When You’ve Offended Someone

16 May 2013 | By Ron Edmondson in Family, Leadership, Ministry | Comments Off

foot-in-mouth

All of us say things we wish we hadn’t said. We all offend people at times. Everyone knows what it is like to put foot in mouth.

Doing so is common, but what do we do afterwards?

Here are 5 Steps When You’ve Offended Someone:

Recognize that you will offend some people. – Actually, that should come before the incident. Even the most gentile-minded, peace-pursuing people are occasionally offensive. Sometimes the person on the other side of the offense has issues that make them easily offended. Sometimes we just say or do the wrong thing. It’s working to do so less often and never intentionally that should be our goal.

Pursue peace – Our goal should be to be at peace with others, as much as it depends on us. This too should be set, as a goal, before it’s needed, so you’ll respond accordingly when it is needed. Strive not to say or do things which are offensive. This often means learning to think before you speak.

Ask forgiveness and seek to rebuild trust. – Sometimes the best thing a person can do is to say they are sorry. Many times people want to pass blame, make excuses, or wait for the other person to make the first move towards reconciliation. If you know a perceived offense has occurred, put your “big boy pants” on and break the ice of forgiveness. Don’t be afraid to take the blame if it will bring peace in the end. Remember though that trust is built over time, so don’t be “offended” if it is not given to you instantly. You can release your own guilt once you’ve sought forgiveness.

Examine your life. – If you seem to consistently find yourself in situations where others feel offended by you; maybe the problem is you. Don’t be afraid to look at the “speck” in your own eye. Examine areas of your life where you are consistently offending others.

Stay true to God’s plan for your life. – While we should attempt to live at peace with everyone, we should never avoid offending people at the sacrifice of God’s plan for our life. Jesus’ best work was offensive to many. If you are being obedient to God, you will find it offends some (maybe many.) Don’t let that distract you from doing God’s will. And, don’t hide in the offense you made. Move forward.

What do you do when you’ve offended someone?

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